An open letter to Chinese President Xi Jinping

Introduction

Hope this finds you well and safe from the ravages of the virus you’ve gifted us. You’ll appreciate that thanks are not in order and shall not be extended. Suffice to say, we’re doing the best we can, given the soup, a certain kind of soup has landed us in. This has been the most unsavoury business in a century and might I add that your conduct isn’t helping at all.

The pandemic was bad enough, and for a while, at least in the beginning, the world seemed prepared to concede that it may not have been entirely your fault. But you did not play a straight bat, if you know what I mean, and now find yourself on a sticky wicket. Play wisely now, dear Sir, or you shall be out.

If I may be so impertinent to suggest that the first thing you must do is give your advisors the marching orders, preferably not towards any border towns, as you may have already realized the futility of such ill-advised adventures. Your courtiers have not been telling you the truth, not even a close estimation of it. Quite the contrary, in fact. They’ve led you to believe that China is at the centre of the world and your wish is the world’s command. I’m afraid that’s not the case, and fervently hope it never is.